Time flies when your having fun, but it flies even when you are not.
Just two days ago I came upon the 4 week anniversary of my prophylactic bilateral mastectomy (aka PBM). The preventative removal of my breast….wow! It still blows my mind that I had that surgery and survived the aftermath. I am a previvor! A preventative survivor.
I have to report that at 4 weeks post-op I feel pretty good. I’ve been kind of stiff in my back, neck, and shoulder area but I think it’s just because I haven’t been moving/using these muscles. I’ve started doing light stretching, gently moving the areas I have been babying. I read a post from a beloved BRCA sister, going through the same process, and at 4 weeks she pulled an internal stitch! Ouch….it was great reminder that I still need to take it easy even though I am feeling so much better!
The swelling has gone down and I actually am starting to feel normal again….
I still insist on sleeping sitting up surrounded by soft, comforting pillows, my nest. Well at least I start out that way but by morning, I find myself almost flat! I think I might be brave enough to just crawl into bed tonight without my “nest” of pillows. This should please my husband who has had to sleep with a huge body pillow right down the center of our bed.
I’ll miss my nest….
I still have my fears…
The Facebook groups I have been a apart of have been amazing but I think it’s good to take a break. Sometimes reading about others troubles during/after surgery can be disturbing causing undo anxiety. True fact.
Some of the things I fear, the crazy thoughts that run through this mind of mine, is the fear of my implant slipping out into another area of my body. I think about the internal healing and hope that my body will accept these implants and not attack them as foreign objects making me ill. I dread painful scar tissue. I don’t want to look too much in the mirror for fear that I will find something wrong with the look of my new breast. I’m afraid of my wound opening up, even just a little. Bottom line is I don’t want any more surgeries for a while. I’ve been really, really fortunate and have had ZERO complications or set backs.
So instead of worrying, I am going to pray. I will look forward to the days ahead, count my blessings, rejoice in the small victories and move forward. Time waits for no woman!
I have to say that I am amazed by this body of mine. It’s incredibly made! When I consider how much it has endured, how it heals itself inside and out…it really is an amazing piece of craftmanship.